The Ole Gunnar Solksjaer of the “Game”: The Rebound Guy/Super-sub

The football Season has started so I guess, a football related post was needed. I am a Liverpool fan and such I am looking forward to a better season than the last. Enough said.

This post was inspired by a conversation with @RustGeek and 5 ways to know you’re playing the Heskey Role with Chicks at Brothers with No Game. If you haven’t read it, go read it. It should be the “nice guy” mantra. This is where I go into some sort of tirade about how unfair it is that nice guys finish last and whatnot. Instead I m doing a kanye shrug, I m not that nice, at least not always plus nowadays I could care less about playing victim in the game of relationships/opposite sex diplomacy. Opposite Sex Diplomacy sounds good, glad I coined the term or think I did. Back to the lecture at hand, I am going to talk about the Super-sub of the relationship game, the rebound guy. I m an expositional type writer or at least I think I am. Lets define the Super-sub and then the rebound guy.

Who is the Super Sub?

In the game of football, the super-sub is that schmuck for lack of a better word who doesn’t really get to play regularly and sits mostly on the bench as a substitute. How does the super come in? Great question, The super comes in because a Super-sub is a player that the manager/coach puts on the field when the team is down to do one thing and one thing only, score a goal/win the game. As such one of the most famous super-subs in the last decade or so is the baby faced assassin/killer, the ManUre player (see my word play), Ole Gunnar Solksjaer.

Who is the Rebound Guy?

The rebound guy is that schmuck (spell check hasn’t queried this word? Smh) who doesn’t get to play regularly on a particular girl’s team, he mostly sits on her bench (why does that sound dirty) *sprinkles holy water on self* and only comes into play when the girl is down or recovering from a breakup, emotional depression, end of the world, yeast infection, daddy issues, extended period of konji (beyond her konji limit), spiritual deadening, mami water possession and so on. The rebound guy is put into play to score a goal, in this case make a girl who feels like gala (local sausage roll) feel like hors d’oeuvres.

Look through these two definitions clearly and you will see that the Rebound Guy is a Super Sub. Now no one is actually saying that being the rebound guy sucks. It all depends on you, on some psychological P. If you are just after mindless copulation then maybe being the rebound guy isn’t all that bad. After all, you come on her pitch and score your goal at the right time and help a piss poor team win the champions league.

Why are certain players Super Subs/Rebound Guys?

They aren’t good enough to be regular team players. That’s the simple answer. The Super Sub is not as good as the regular strikers who score fairly regularly for the team. The Super Sub comes in if and only if the regular strikers are having an off day and are unable to score. Same with the Rebound guy, he is not as good as the regular striker or her ex boyfriend with his game else he would have dated her. However, when the ex is having an off day, in this case they broke up it is the responsibility of the super-sub to come in and score a goal/win the game to life the team’s spirit’s up. Of course much like in the game of football, in the next game the regular striker can return, that would be a manifestation of Okafor’s Law.

Another reason why some players end up as super-subs is because they aren’t fit, they are old or are easily prone to injury so they are saved by the manager until such a time as they are needed. In the older players category, you have people like Filipo Inzaghi, the ultimate poacher. Bringing this to the rebound guy, the rebound guy has come qualities that are not as great as the guys she regularly dates. Take your pick, maybe he isn’t tall enough, handsome enough, not pro-active enough, not wealthy enough, not as interesting so basically he is the right guy at the right place at the right time for just the moment she needs him before she finds a suitable partner. There is a caveat to this, after spending considerable time with a rebound guy, sometimes his status gets upgraded to boo status. She might start to like the rebound guy and lovingitis begins. In Nigerian movies a montage of the guy and girl going to shop in boutiques, licking “eyes-cream” together and whatnot, accompanies this.

The real philosophical question is, do guys even mind being Super-subs/Rebound Guys?
Personally, I guess it depends on your state of mind. If you are in the sowing your royal oats kinda mindset, sure. Otherwise it might be an insult to your game. What think you?

Here is a list of top ten super-subs: Click