2019: The PDP Presidential Aspirant Fantasy League

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(From Premierleague.com)

However you spin it, the frontrunner in next year’s election is Incumbent President, Muhammadu Buhari. By virtue of his solid 10-14 million king of the north base who have voted for him in every election he has contested since 2003, by virtue of his still solid alliance with Tinubu and the South West, by virtue of his staunch hailing hailers who can see no wrong in this man and by virtue of federal might, rigging and the power of incumbency. Quick fact check, the regions with the highest PVC (permanent voter’s card) collection are North West with 14.6million and South West with 9.3 million as of August 2018. This fact is important because even if one wants to rig, the key limitation to the equation is the number of registered voters and/or number of PVC collected. So here is the conspiracy plan, with huge registration in areas loyal to Buhari and Tinubu rigging will make it mathematically impossible for opposition to win if registered voters in regions they control are not as much as those controlled by the APC. There is also a rumor that a lot of Nigerien/Chadian and Cameroonians living in Nigeria will be given amnesty to help make up the numbers up north. Stay tuned for the drama…

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The One Where I Try To Do a Travel Journal Post

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First of all, I love Nigeria and being Nigerian to bits. *Insert super patriotic music here*. However, I will confess that having our passport kind of sucks to be honest. I need a visa to go basically everywhere including if I want to take a shit in my backyard (shoutout to the countries that let us in visa free or with visa on arrival, you’re the real heroes for doing this in spite of my shady countrymen). Visa wait times can be disastrous at times (side eye to Canada and Australia who have kept some Nigerian passports for 6 months to a year before issuing a visa, like for real there needs to be a clause where these countries and embassies pay people for inconvenience. As a Nigerian looking to explore the world you have to be efficient in your planning, I m talking on some Sherlock Holmes, project management, planning engineer type stuff. You should think of where you want to go like 3 months ahead and look up requirements and stuff. You have to look at the exchange rate to our piss poor currency (dear naira, do better!), look at the racism factor there; I did learn that being an African in Mainland Europe (side eye Spain!) means people assume you came off a boat, whereas black american (love my distant cousins) they think you are cool. Long ass Intro paragraph huh? keep reading.

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Everyday Horcruxes

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What is a Horcrux? Horcrux, plural Horcruxes in Harry Potter folklore is a piece of one’s soul that gets created when performs a supreme act of evil. This part of the soul is separated from the main soul and serves as a form of insurance against death. Basically you have to destroy all to truly destroy the owner of the horcruxes. The main villain in the Harry Potter story uses this as a way to ensure his immortality.

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I am Legion

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courtesy: jarofquotes.com

I can say I haven’t written any of my lame poetry in almost a half a decade. I don’t know the rules of writing them, sometimes you just need to release and this used to be my release. I feel conflicted and a bit mentally congested these days. This manifests itself in me lashing out, losing interests in the things and people I love and all sorts of insecure and confused behavior. For this and to those I have hurt on my journey of life, I am sorry. The title of this combination of words is I am Legion. Enjoy.

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How Nigerian Youth Can Take Over Politics

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I bet you saw that heading and half expected me to talk about how we are going to protest and kick start a revolution either peaceful or violent that topples the current political class. We will do all this and have the country run by intelligent and politically awake youth who will take Nigeria to the promised land and we will live happily ever after. Right? Yeah sounds like something I would say or write 5 to 10 years ago. Naija has sucked most of the idealist out of me,  Not that I don’t believe in the revolution, I think we are due one in this nation. Dear Tuface, smh. Enough said! I believe we all have a right to voice our grievances and put pressure on our political class to effect positive change. Now, would they listen? Doubt it! We are a nation that does not listen to gently and well articulated points or people that are way too gentle, we are the gra gra nation; a nation of Warri no dey carry last, of sharp lagos boys and bini boys, of mallams and Okoros who wont hesitate to cheat you in the market unless you “open eye” for them. This is Nigeria. Equal opportunity loudness, everyone is shouting yet very few actually make sense. Read the rest of this entry »

Fantastic Baes and Where to Find Them Vol 1

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Welcome to the Magical World of Baes

What if I told you that I have discovered and formulated the grand unified theory of baes, an algorithm for finding the one you were destined to be with? Now the question of whether the concept of the one is tenable is another thesis. Would you give me the nobel prize for physics? Bae-ology? Would you call me raving mad? I believe for many it would be the latter and you would be right. As far as I know, there is no grand unified theory for finding bae except what I believe is my hypothesis that love alone is not enough. I have searched for bae, thought I found her, dated her, lost her mostly because I am a high functioning sociopath who cant have good things and be satisfied (read: asshole, also guess the tv show reference), at this point I am open to an arranged marriage with contractual stipulations (jk, or am I?) Before I continue, obviously I am a potter head and yes I came up with this after watching the new Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find them movie, always thought I was Slytherin but Alas Pottermore says I am Gryffindor! What a long pre-amble! I shall dive in shortly (have to put on my swimming trunks else you don’t want to be looking at my lil pee pee now would you?).

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Why is the Nigerian Music Industry Successful?

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I m tempted to start this blog post with “We the best!!!!! who?!!! we!!!!” but that’s not what this post is about. As a child of the 90s, born in the late 80s and came to adulthood in the 2000s I grew up mostly loving foreign/american music. When I was a kid, I was a big fan of Michael Jackson, had a few VCRs recordings of his music videos and concerts. I used to practice the moves and would bust a move at parties I was invited to as a kid. Then at some point in the 90s I think it was 94’ I fell in love with hip-hop and my younger self really really was a fan of Tupac. I believed in the West Coast part of that beef, finger signs and all. At some point after Tupac and Biggie were killed I moved on to being a Nas and then a Jay-Z fan. Sided with Nas in that beef but that doesn’t matter now. Basically my point is that, although there was Nigerian music being made around this time I don’t think it was as popular. From the top of my head, I remember Ras Kimono, Daniel Wilson, Blacky, Junior and Pretty, Oliver De Coque, Eddy Remedy, Maintain, Plantashun boiz, Tony Tetuila eventually ( Trivia: What Nigerian musicians do you remember from the 90s and early 2000s?). Of course there were outliers like Fela who were popular even then.
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