Human Relationships

I am Legion

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courtesy: jarofquotes.com

I can say I haven’t written any of my lame poetry in almost a half a decade. I don’t know the rules of writing them, sometimes you just need to release and this used to be my release. I feel conflicted and a bit mentally congested these days. This manifests itself in me lashing out, losing interests in the things and people I love and all sorts of insecure and confused behavior. For this and to those I have hurt on my journey of life, I am sorry. The title of this combination of words is I am Legion. Enjoy.

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Fantastic Baes and Where to Find Them Vol 1

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Welcome to the Magical World of Baes

What if I told you that I have discovered and formulated the grand unified theory of baes, an algorithm for finding the one you were destined to be with? Now the question of whether the concept of the one is tenable is another thesis. Would you give me the nobel prize for physics? Bae-ology? Would you call me raving mad? I believe for many it would be the latter and you would be right. As far as I know, there is no grand unified theory for finding bae except what I believe is my hypothesis that love alone is not enough. I have searched for bae, thought I found her, dated her, lost her mostly because I am a high functioning sociopath who cant have good things and be satisfied (read: asshole, also guess the tv show reference), at this point I am open to an arranged marriage with contractual stipulations (jk, or am I?) Before I continue, obviously I am a potter head and yes I came up with this after watching the new Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find them movie, always thought I was Slytherin but Alas Pottermore says I am Gryffindor! What a long pre-amble! I shall dive in shortly (have to put on my swimming trunks else you don’t want to be looking at my lil pee pee now would you?).

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PSA: Tips to Meeting People Online

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Now I wouldn’t call myself a subject matter expert on meeting people online but I do have a fair amount of friends or acquaintances that are friends or acquaintances because of twitter, instagram, this blog, maybe snapchat and other social media spaces. Fun fact, I once “dated” a girl online for almost 2 years if my memory serves well without ever meeting her. This was in the days of yahoo messenger and myspace before I ever had a Facebook account. I was in Nigeria, she was in the US. We bonded over our mutual love for Eminem. Yes he of Marshall Mather LP. Great rapper but I think I stopped paying attention after Slim Shady Show. I eventually came to the US within this time but we never got to meet. Don’t judge! I was 16, finished secondary school and was bored at home. The cybercafe was my friend and I was applying for colleges.

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A Way Belated Happy New Year

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Hi readers,

I know it is the end of January but better late than never. Happy New Year my people! Hope the year has started well for you. Mine has been cool. Not the most uneventful but I am taking it in stride. Did not really make a resolution but I had a theme for the year, the year of completion. I finish a program I am on at work, collect my masters degree, build my house, maybe finish my belated app project (might be looking for software developers), exorcise the demons in my life and while I am at it maybe I will tie the knot. Who knows?! The theme is completion! Read the rest of this entry »

In Search Of The Great Nigerian Quickie aka Speedforce

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Source: sky.com

We will skip my apology for not writing in a while. I think I captured that in the last blog. Today you got double posts, yay!  This topic is like 4 months overdue in my mind. I say this because the original thought for this came a while back. I will start with a question, what is the Nigerian obsession with having sex/making love/fucking for a long time? To be more specific, what is the obsession of Nigerian men with lasting long in bed? Did they make an announcement that if you dont *pardon my french cos of course french must be a crass language* fuck your girl for over an hour you have not achieved in life? And why do people keep coming up with new aphrodisiacs each and every day? I know this is probably not a uniquely Nigerian problem because there is a big market for herbal viagra and regular alike. The thing to note is that a lot of people who use these ehem performance enhancing medication do not suffer from erectile dysfunction. What happened to the lost and quite satisfying art of the quickie? But missy said she don’t want no one minute man! Read the rest of this entry »

Oluwa is Involved/Na God? Cool Story!

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So you have been praying and fasting for 40 days and 40 nights for God to bless you like Mr XYZ, he seems to have it all. He owns his own company, he spends his weekends in exotic countries (Not just US and UK like the other plebs), he owns his own private jet of course, has the president on his speed dial, is surrounded by beautiful women, owns property in several choice areas, uses helicopters or speed boats to dodge traffic depending on which is more efficient, in short he is extremely wealthy. You have dared to ask him how he got wealthy and he gives you the textbook answer which is he worked hard and he adds for good measure “God has been good”, “I thank God”, “It is God’s favor”, “Oluwa is involved” (Which is actually a phrase commonly used by 419ers/internet fraudsters made big) among other common epithets of the bullshitters my countrymen have become especially the wealthy ones.

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The World Cup According to Farouk…

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Arguably the biggest show piece in football is upon us again, the world cup. Samina mina eh eh, waka waka eh eh samina mina sankelewa its time for Brazil? Probably the most watched football tournament and perhaps a tournament that turns up some surprises. Call me Eurocentric but few things beat the quality of football in the European Champions League mostly because I believe the players in that tournament play together day in day out in their leagues. The world cup is a cut and paste of players which in its own way is why we have the surprises we get in the world cup because aside from preparation and skill, team chemistry is key in winning. Anyway, enough of that, Yay! Brazil. Read the rest of this entry »