Fantastic Baes and Where to Find Them Vol 1

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Welcome to the Magical World of Baes

What if I told you that I have discovered and formulated the grand unified theory of baes, an algorithm for finding the one you were destined to be with? Now the question of whether the concept of the one is tenable is another thesis. Would you give me the nobel prize for physics? Bae-ology? Would you call me raving mad? I believe for many it would be the latter and you would be right. As far as I know, there is no grand unified theory for finding bae except what I believe is my hypothesis that love alone is not enough. I have searched for bae, thought I found her, dated her, lost her mostly because I am a high functioning sociopath who cant have good things and be satisfied (read: asshole, also guess the tv show reference), at this point I am open to an arranged marriage with contractual stipulations (jk, or am I?) Before I continue, obviously I am a potter head and yes I came up with this after watching the new Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find them movie, always thought I was Slytherin but Alas Pottermore says I am Gryffindor! What a long pre-amble! I shall dive in shortly (have to put on my swimming trunks else you don’t want to be looking at my lil pee pee now would you?).

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Birthdays, Born Days and Frivolities…

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Cakes, Prayers, Good Wishes, Parties, Sex, Leather pants and whips, Alcohol, Tipsy, Pictures, Fun. These are what birthdays are made of. Well that and reflection. Perhaps I should change the name of this blog to diaries of His Royal Highness because it seems this blog has taken a detour into the personal realm of a recovering overthinking lil bish. Enough of the compliments, today is my birthday (I share the birthday with Muhammad Ali, Benjamin Franklin, Jim Carrey…)! Somebody scream hallelujah, say alhamdullahi (sp anyone?) and whatever it is buddhists and atheists say because today was the day all those years ago my wonderful mother gave birth to me (you can tell I am a little bit of a mummy’s boy but then I m also daddy’s boy too).

I am thankful for all the people I have been opportune to know and/or meet in my life. I am thankful for those that have been a blessing to me and those who have made my life difficult. I thank both subsets of people because somewhere in the happiness, sadness, guilt, broken hearts and all lies a period of man whore behavior, no just kidding or am I? What I was trying to say before my silly side kicked in is that you have all helped to build my character and I am still learning the meaning of life, love and everything in between. I am thankful for my family and friends, thank you for bearing with me. I can be so much in my head sometimes and like to handle my problems by myself, I have just recently learnt how to share my problems with people and it feels so much better than bottling things up. Thank you to all lovers and ex-lovers, thanks for the memories mostly, life would be so boring without those experiences.

What do I want for my birthday? *Sings All I want for my birthday is a big booty hoe* Hmm what do I want. Obviously wealth, happiness and all that. I want to find my soulmate and I hope that when I do I recognize her and not be so busy licking belly shots and consuming copious amounts of bourbon (Btw I think an Old Fashioned might be my new favorite cocktail, thank you London for that). I want my family and friends to be happy and prosper (and yes that includes you who read this blog, I pray that for blessing me with the gift of your time to read my nonsense yarns, may you not want for anything in your life, may you be happy and fulfilled in all that you do). I want to go back or become more intellectual. I remember college nights when my friends and I would have drinks and discuss philosophy, life and so many things, we used to call it our symposium (good times!). I want to travel more and meet new and exciting people. I want Nigeria to be better. I want to have the strength of mind to be more charitable like resolved to be in the new year. I want confidence and a recognition of my inner sexiness and good heart.

Anyway, Happy Birthday to Me! I am currently in London and will be out and partying tonight. Adieu! XO

Be A Better Man Before Happily Ever After

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A while back I wrote a letter to Lady Farouk, If you missed it you can find it here. I have been told by some that she is not real and cannot possibly exist. Well in my defence I believe Lady Farouk is the epitome of the kind of woman I would want to end up with, I know that I would be lucky to find a woman with 60 percent of the attributes I described. Although, I doubt that blog post captured my full list and the fact that I am a pretty flexible person with my sense of what I want in a woman evolving and maturing as I have. Don’t worry I am not going to make another list of the characteristics of Lady Farouk, I believe she knows herself wherever and whoever she is.

I have heard mothers mine included talk about how they want their son to marry a good God fearing young woman who is respectful and is mindful of tradition (the tradition part not necessary the views of Queen Farouk/mi madre) basically mother Theresa who can cook and clean. Every single time I hear this I think to myself, “Does your son deserve to be with a good girl?” Has your son stopped his ashewo/prostituting ways? Has he learnt to control his temper so he doesn’t beat his future wife? Does he respect women? If all the good women married ashewo boys like your son who would marry the good guys? The ashewo women? This is my philosophical quandary.

I think a lot of people talk and emphasize love as the basis of marriage and finding your soulmate and they aren’t wrong. I believe in addition to looking for the one (every time I hear someone say the one, I think of that movie by Jet Li), one has to work on him/herself. You see it doesn’t matter how much you love someone if you aren’t emotionally mature and worked on some of your vices you might as well give up because the relationship might be doomed before it gets off. I am not saying you have to be perfect before you find your soul-mate, I am saying you have to recognize your faults and vices and be willing to work on them as well as taken steps in that direction.

I have had my share of problems. Wandering eyes, passive aggressive behaviour, insecurity, over-thinking and over-analysis, depression, alcohol dependency, sex dependency (konji) amongst others have been problems I have faced and in some cases still battle with. I have been in love in the past and found that things didn’t work out perhaps because I was still battling with some demons and didn’t realize it. I think it took me a while to realize the truth that perhaps I needed to work on myself to become a better man so I can deserve a better woman.

This is going to sound cliché like perhaps the majority of this post has but I sincerely believe that your soulmate is someone who sees you for you are and loves you but also inspires you to be a better person. Being with them makes you want to be a better man, you want to stop being such a man-whore, you want to dress better, be kinder, be less of an asshole. Now there is a difference between someone who inspires you to be better and someone who wants to change you. The latter hardly works out. So dear Lady Farouk if you try to reduce my whiskey diet, me and you will wear one shokoto!

My dear readers, what do you think? Do you need to be ready or prepare yourself before you meet your soulmate? Is love alone ever enough? Are there things you need to work on before you meet the boo? Do you deserve to be with a good person? Does trying to change a person ever work? Love to hear your thoughts