So I was at work today and it is kind of my last few days cos I have finished my nysc and stuff and getting ready to ship my ass out of lagos to go spend some time in Nigerias capital Abuja. Don’t tell anyone, I have some secret plans to take over power by force and institute a revolution of the people . Anyway that’s a story for another day.
So in the office we sometimes put the radio on to give a little background music to the work we doing. We not goofing off, I promise boss if you reading this. So a song comes up, “all that she wants is another baby, she’s gone tomorrow…”. Immediately, I had the serious flashback to my 4 year old self.
Back in the day, me and my lil big headed self was too cute for TV, got my suspender and stick on tie game on. See, I was hip before you knew what a hip was. ‘Waisted’. In those days, we would go to other kids birthday parties, and all the kids would engage in a dancing competition all for some dumb prize that ended up being a polythene/nylon bag full of chin chin, meat and sweets. Smh. We would do the running man, some kids were on that MJ tip and just kept spinning, moonwalking and holding their groin. Inappropriate I know but we had no idea. Then there was the butterfly. Keep in mind we talking about early 90s.
I won a few of these dancing competitions, lol. The trick back then was to dance as vigorously as possible and I was an active high on red bull kinda kid. I would also make sure I positioned myself where the ‘aunty’ who was judging the dancing competition could see me.
Of course in the united states of naija, no kid party in the 90s was complete without pictures of the celebrant and friends and the cake with bottles of soda/mineral arranged around it like some kind of status symbol. Then of course there was rice, typically jollof rice and chicken. I was a big fan of the rice, shit I still am a big fan of jollof rice jo. Its the way to my heart, ladies take notes. And there were balloons which us razz kids called “bollom bollom”.
Anyway the song all that she wants by ace of bass, had me reminiscing about those 90s kids birthday parties, what you remember from the 90s. The song is below
So yesterday I finished my national youth service. For those of you who don’t know what NYSC – National Youth Service Corps is, I ll ellucidate.
The NYSC is a Nigerian scheme for those who have completed college that lasts for about a year. Basically you do an internship for like a year, weekly community development and report monthly to ensure the federal government pays you. Oh yeah I forgot, its starts out with a 3 week boot camp, you march, play sports, drink, dance and have fun if you are the type to enjoy that kind of thing. NYSC is basically required if you want to work or ever hold a political office. Seeing as a nigga wants to rule the country with an iron fist and bring change I figured I should do it.
Its also a good way to be reintroduced to Nigeria and the Nigerian way of doing things at the grassroots. As a foreign graduate or foreign student (I woulda smacked a fool cos I m nigerian bitch) as some people erroneously referred to me at the camp, I had to register in Abuja before camp and prove I actually went to school by presenting my transcripts and college degree. They gave me slack over my degree which unlike some other ivies is in english but reads like terribly translated latin which it is.
So I made it to lagos, went to camp. Made some friends and ish, marched a lil bit. Partied hard like I m supposed to. After camp, work started. Got put at an oil company, faced daunting traffic to and from work everyday. Like for real, I was in New York and rush hour traffic got nothing on lagos “go slow”. Imagine NYC with no subways and almost everyone got cars and they heading in the same direction and of course year round summer in this beach. Anyway I was fortunate to get a staff bus and free lunch.
I learnt that to get anything people basically hustle and push and shove even when in a queue. That’s the nysc experience, you see people skipping the line cos they feel like VIPs. Niggas be trifling. I got some tips for those considering nysc
1) Have money in camp, don’t bring shit you can lose. Take up leadership positions and befriend officials so you don’t get posted to a dump. To be a proper Nigerian you gotta be a good lobbyist that goes for after camp, getting a decent community development and getting a job after nysc.
2) Foreign students don’t be snobbish interact with folks so you get the real experience and the inside track on naija life. Also take the nysc as a big networking event cos amongst you are future ceos, governors, senators, superstars and ish.
3) Explore wherever town or city you are posted to with friends. In my case, I even developped a database of hangout spots in lagos.
4) Goes without saying, get your accomodation on lockdown and the closer to your place of work the better for you. Also if you are going to be alone the first thing you should get is a generator. No power is a bad bitch with herpes.
All in all, I enjoyed and I m glad to be done. Thank Yeshua n ish.
– The Ashy philosopher aka now a jobless nigga aka rationalchaos