Fantastic Baes and Where to Find Them Vol 1

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Welcome to the Magical World of Baes

What if I told you that I have discovered and formulated the grand unified theory of baes, an algorithm for finding the one you were destined to be with? Now the question of whether the concept of the one is tenable is another thesis. Would you give me the nobel prize for physics? Bae-ology? Would you call me raving mad? I believe for many it would be the latter and you would be right. As far as I know, there is no grand unified theory for finding bae except what I believe is my hypothesis that love alone is not enough. I have searched for bae, thought I found her, dated her, lost her mostly because I am a high functioning sociopath who cant have good things and be satisfied (read: asshole, also guess the tv show reference), at this point I am open to an arranged marriage with contractual stipulations (jk, or am I?) Before I continue, obviously I am a potter head and yes I came up with this after watching the new Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find them movie, always thought I was Slytherin but Alas Pottermore says I am Gryffindor! What a long pre-amble! I shall dive in shortly (have to put on my swimming trunks else you don’t want to be looking at my lil pee pee now would you?).

Bae -(Scientific Name of Bae-us Potentatis Foreveritis) Also known as Before Anyone Else is a creature closely related to the soulmate species and cousin to the lover species. At full maturity, Bae could become life partner or another ex. Natural enemy of the fuck boy, THOTs (That ho over there, In case you were wondering) and runs girls species however interspecies mingling between either the fuck boy species, THOTs,  runs girls species and the soul mate species might produce a Bae. This cross breeding is not advised and might constitute a crime against humanity. The bae while elusive can be found in a variety of places and as a magical creature the spell a bae possesses makes it that where they can be found depends on who is looking for them. 

Now that we have an idea of what a Bae, Let us give a disclaimer – warning! all suggestions of where to find fantastic base are just that suggestions and should not be taken literally. Finding bae and soulmate can be a lifelong pursuit and varies from person to person. Here are 5 places where we can find bad in no particular order

School/Work – Now depending on what stage of life you are in, school or work provides a perfect habitat to spot the bae creature. As a student, you spend an awful amount of time in school and as a worker you spend a reasonable amount of time at work. It ergo makes sense that bae could be laying in wait in that physics class or at that company end of year party. The only caution here is to be careful not to lose sight of why you are at school/work as there is a possibility that dedication to bae could result in bad grades or bad end of year appraisals. This is due to the magic juice that bae secretes which if inhaled in excess can lead to tunnel vision.

Church/Cult Meeting/Scientology Class/Jehovah Witness Walkabout – Someborri say hallelujah?! Now if you are the spiritual type and spend most of your time doing religious or spiritual things (notice that finding bae is a function of what you spend your time doing) then this variety of bae will entrap you. This bae can be found either pretending or actually following the teachings of the religion, this bae will often be dedicated and will engage you in DRC (no not Democratic Republic of Congo, Deep Religious Conversation). Be careful here as some of the fuck boy, THOTs and Runs girls species retreat to this habitat when they mature. Of course the hybrid of the spiritual bae and freak in the sheet bae is often highly desirable and can be a rare and fulfilling alliance.

Hobby – Once again time is the culprit here, whatever your hobby be it blogging (hello blogging baes *wink* *wink*), chess, movie watching, game of thrones fetish, book club, stamp collection, mutual masturbation society there is a bae that inhabits this region. To find this bae, one has to socialize with other people engaged in the same hobby. If you collect nude pics and don’t socialize with other people who collect nude pics then you are like a tree that fell in the forest when no one was there, did it fall? how did we know it fell? what is the definition of falling? The hobby bae can be transient as  if you or the bae changes hobby then the commonality coefficient reduces although once a bae is found this way and the two explore each other (akin to dogs sniffing butts) then they might find a deeper connection.

Social Media – In this tech age, we would be amiss not to mention the bae that resides in one timeline or the other or inhabits that four corners of an app or website be it facebook, twitter, snapchat, instagram, tinder, instamessage, badoo and so on. This bae is idea for he/she who spends a significant amount of time on social media. Typically to catch this bae, your chat game has to be strong, your social media profile exciting (at least to the bae) and perhaps a bit funny (are you taking notes? please refer to my post – how to meet people on social media). The danger with this bae is that sometimes they aren’t who they portray themselves to be. Stories abound of social media meetings in real life going sour. People get catfished basically, dudes sending dick pics of lexington steele whereas homeboy is packing chin chin/duracell battery while some ladies pad up the bra and bum with foam. Social media bae should be taken with salt until proven true.

Referrals – No I am not talking about MMM and how you get bonus for signing people on. I am talking about that species of bae that you meet through friends, family and acquaintances. You go on a double date or y’all are going to the club and your friend’s bae brings a friend and you are introduced and sparks fly. This bae has a level of security as there is some sort of guarantee based on the person that introduced you to bae. However this is no guaranty as sometimes especially in this society, parents, family and friends introduce you to people just because they are keen to see you settle down on time and so while their motives are pure the coupling does not work out long term. In my research, this is one of the most common habitat for finding fantastic baes.

There you have it folks. Worth an honorable mention is love at first sight bae if you believe in that kind of story for the gods, arranged marriage bae (closely related to referral bae), I met him/her at a club or on vacation bae (closely related to hobby bae aka you are a party monster).

Anyway, did I miss any fantastic base and where to find them. Please comment, share, like and if you haven’t found bae *in pastor voice* 2017 shall be your year of bae! Someborri say amen!!!


3 thoughts on “Fantastic Baes and Where to Find Them Vol 1

    justvou said:
    December 9, 2016 at 8:51 pm

    But wait! Let me get my day’s serving of Zobo for this one!

    Becky said:
    December 22, 2016 at 10:06 am

    Lol , nice one!!!

    isidada said:
    January 17, 2017 at 2:00 pm

    I found this article at a fantastic time because as bae as I am, I am in a dilemma of a fuckboy…..

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