So you have been praying and fasting for 40 days and 40 nights for God to bless you like Mr XYZ, he seems to have it all. He owns his own company, he spends his weekends in exotic countries (Not just US and UK like the other plebs), he owns his own private jet of course, has the president on his speed dial, is surrounded by beautiful women, owns property in several choice areas, uses helicopters or speed boats to dodge traffic depending on which is more efficient, in short he is extremely wealthy. You have dared to ask him how he got wealthy and he gives you the textbook answer which is he worked hard and he adds for good measure “God has been good”, “I thank God”, “It is God’s favor”, “Oluwa is involved” (Which is actually a phrase commonly used by 419ers/internet fraudsters made big) among other common epithets of the bullshitters my countrymen have become especially the wealthy ones.
How about you tell us that in addition to working hard and being “favored” you also had to make many connections, some shady political ones, how about you tell us that you had to bribe some people along the way and grease some palms, how about you tell us that you had to sleep with that Alhaji’s wife to get the contract that started you out, how about you tell us you have been famzing your whole life and putting up an appearance to keep yourself in the circle of wealthy people so you get those connections, how about you tell us that put some wraps of cocaine up your ass to get your starting capital, or that you showed your peen to a 70 year british lady over the internet, how about you tell us you went into that mysterious forest in Imo State and suckled on the breast of a one breasted demon queen to get your wealth because one thing is for sure you did not pray hard and the wealth magically fell from heaven, the bank of Jesus giving out loans now? I thought it was something about gaining the world and losing your soul in the good book. Ok I m done, I think you get the point.
We and by we I mean Nigerians live in a culture where it seems like we believe in reaping where we did not sow We pray hard and wish for luck and then complain when things go horribly wrong. Does God hate Nigeria? No. He probably hates our lazy asses, always clogging up his prayer lines and when he gives us an idea of actions to take we just ignore him because we expected some abracadabra solution. Yes that goes for people that believe God magically blesses you wealth without any effort on your path and for the football team that believes they can win the world cup without preparation and team work (cough super eagles cough), it goes for our policy makers who make great sounding policies but do not make a plan for implementation and measuring the success of such implementation. It goes for each and every Nigerian who prays for this country but yet will not vote or will vote based on sentiment and complain when the elected leader “does not give a damn” about you and I.
Life and the Universe irrespective of whether there is a God or not works on the principle of action and reaction and everything has a consequence. We cannot let our collective dicks be out and without stimuli or naughty thoughts expect it to be hard. Perhaps we need to stop folk from using God as the excuse for why something happened to them or for why things are the way they are because if we believe that God magically shits wealth then we have another thing coming.
Point of this messy rant? Hmmm, well first someone needs to make a genuine Nigerian guide to how to get wealth. I mean the become a dictator and loot the CBN or the become a man of God route to Nigerians wealth. Perhaps I will take a stab at it. Because going by the current norm, it is either you fast or join the illuminati (question, do I get to stick my boy parts in Rih-RIh?). The deeper question I am asking is, do Nigerians believe in an action and consequence philosophy to life or are we majorly caught up in luck, God, juju being the root cause of our problems and blessings? How do we explain our prayerful nature that does not tally with our national prosperity? How do people really get rich in Nigeria, does God really love them more than the other 99% of the population? Engage me in Le comments!