Happy Valentine’s Weekend, Don’t know if that’s a thing. I trust a lot of people had a great valentine’s day. Guys took their girl or side chick out and if you aren’t in the celibacy gang I bet you got your freak on, had her do that thing with the wax and her fingers you love or you showed her the incredible range of motion that the human tongue can achieve. Either way I trust you had a day and weekend that celebrated love in all its forms. For the guy’s hope you at least sent your mum a happy Valentine ’s Day text! Stop playing, you know she’s the most important woman in your life. How rude of me, How did I spend my valentine’s day? At home doing some work, watched Aladdin and had some drinks all by my lonesome. And before you start feeling pity for me (well if you are an intelligent and beautiful young lady and the pity will make you want to share physical, emotional and intellectual conversations over some crepes and wine then you are allowed), I could have flown to see my pseudo boo, potential boo, or at least my mama but alas mama travelled and I think the last few months have made me lose the urge for the romantic or romantic gestures (I battled with myself whether to send a valentine’s gift or not and thankfully last minute deliveries aren’t Nigeria’s strong suit).
Before this post looks like a big ass sub, I will get it out of the way. I was in love of recent and put in so much of myself and tried to be a better man and I guess I did not get the affirmation my mustard seed self esteem needed. I know I love said person but I can’t be bothered to put in my all yet I am not willing to let go. It is like this love thing is a battle of the mind which is the rational part that tells you what you should want and not want, the heart (no not the blood pumping organ but the metaphorical heart) which deep down knows who you love and what you want yet it gets interference from the mind which jumbles the signal, the body which just wants to have lots of sex and physical gratification as well as being attracted to outward beauty and sexiness and the spirit which knows what is good for you and seeks the relationship that will save your soul and make you whole and it is the keeper of that feeling of unexplained connection you sometimes get when you meet people. All together these are Four Horsemen of Love. Shall I elaborate further? (Psssh between you and I, I was going in a different direction when I started writing this thing and then I stumbled upon this, funny how my mind works).
The mind is the bedrock of reason and when it comes to love it is an important decision maker in happily ever after. Those of us gifted in the art of overthinking have the mind being the overpowering influence in our dating and love decisions. The mind has certain qualities it is looking for in a mate and when it finds someone that closely matches this criteria it becomes enamored with the said person and therein lies the repository of that “this is the person I should be with “ feeling we get sometimes.
Mr butterflies in the tummy aka the heart is a bit annoying if you ask the man of logic aka Mr Team Mind aka me because the heart loves for no reason or at least no apparent reason. The heart links up with the mind in the subconscious, a part of the brain that we do not have ready access to. Love that is characterized by having the heart as a dominant factor is love full of passion and at the same time it is at peace, it is the love that doesn’t necessary meet the criteria you were looking for (Word to the fictional Lady Farouk) but you get a warm feeling when you are with the person. It is the equivalent of being addicted to drugs.
One of my favorite horsemen of the love apocalypse! The body is kama sutra for the man dem, it is when you find that person that you are absolutely physically attracted to. It is that lady with the right complexion (if you are a colorist), cleavage from heaven, butt molded by the creator of the universe and a figure that makes you wonder if the missing rib wasn’t taken from her, it is the eyes that you can get lost in, the lips that seem to beg you to kiss them for sustenance. The body dictates physical compatibility, that kiss that seems just perfect, the sexual compatibility. On sexual compatibility, it is my belief that most people are not awful or wonderful at sex but haven’t found that person with the right sexual compatibility. Humor me, there are people that when you are engaging in the beast with two backs things tend to go smoothly, you transition between positions with ease, there isn’t an underlying awkwardness, what you are doing pleases her and what she is doing pleases you. The body when it comes to love gives it a foundation of lust which if you ask me if necessary but not the most important
No I m not talking Rum or Whiskey here but I am talking about that conversational compatibility. It is when two people meet and the two of them feel a connection, a spiritual connection. This connection makes you feel at ease when you are in the presence of this person. You feel like you can tell this person anything and you feel drawn to this person even though they might not be exactly Selita Ebanks but they could be that black bougie girl who went to an ivy league institution and is knowledgeable about Africa, loves her cocktails and has a great sense of humor all the while being one of the most responsible people you have met in your life. This kind of love helps you improve as a person, it stimulates your mind and builds your self esteem. A spiritual love is good for your soul, it is essentially happy love (love on ecstasy).
Now what was the point of all this? Am I saying we should have one girlfriend or boyfriend for each of the horsemen? Hell Yes! (Actually I mean no) The point is I believe the love we experience are often either of these four or combinations of them. The right love or perfect love might actually be a love that combines these four in the right combination, what that combination is beats me but I bet with the help of my mind, body, heart and spirit girlfriends I will find out. Last I checked Love is a trial and error process, we live we love we learn. Never let any situation get you down, why? Because the perfect love might be right around the corner.Happy Valentine’s in Arrears (We should love and make love everyday though). You may kiss the bride! Mueh!
So My People, How was you v-day? What does love mean to you? What does the perfect love feel and look like to you?