My dear Commander in Chief of the Armed Forces of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, Goodluck Ebele Jonathan. He who has been divinely chosen to rule Nigeria till thy kingdom come. The Okpolo kpolo of Bayelsa, the crown prince of the Nigerdelta. The only Igbo Ijaw man. The savior of the talakawa of Arewa. The medicine for those sick northern leaders. Scourge of Boko Haram, APC, Amaechi and all those who are enemies of fresh air. The custodian of the transformation agenda of which everyone must be in line with. I hail you.
Now that the obsequious obscenity called protocol has been relegated to the annals of a few seconds ago, I know that you are indeed a very busy man working on getting fresh air to every Nigerian in line with the transformation agenda which some naysayers say is the buzzword for corruption. They claim if you take a shot for every time you hear “In line with the President’s transformation agenda” in relation to some shady contract or deal in Nigeria, then you shall surely die of liver cirrhosis/alcohol poisoning whichever comes first. I have digressed, back to the matter at hand.
I will try and keep this as short and as to the point as possible. Mr President I think you are an awful politician and you have surrounded yourself by people who do not seem to know a sheep’s fart from biogas. The country is as divided as it has ever been, under your watch “The biggest party in Africa” has shown a kink in its armor of indivisibility. You have privatized the power sector and power has yet to improve in many areas but I guess we have to be patient. Kleptocracy seems to be at an all time high, our university students have been sitting at home for almost 4 months and boko haram continue to terrorize the north even though I have to commend the application of the emergency rule which has helped to curtail some of their activities. They don’t have time for a massive offensive because they are on the defense.
What was the original aim of this post? Big bros Jona I heard that 20th November was your birthday, happy birthday Sir. I wish you wisdom in piloting the affairs of this country, may your remaining time on the throne of Nigeria however long that is (because clearly presidency here is akin to monarchy) bring better fortunes for majority of Nigerians and not just the rich and powerful, may we finally breathe that fresh air your promised us and may we be truly transformed not only into the giant of Africa but a giant of the world.
Long live the Federal Republic of Nigeria. Happy Birthday Mr President.