Be A Better Man Before Happily Ever After

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A while back I wrote a letter to Lady Farouk, If you missed it you can find it here. I have been told by some that she is not real and cannot possibly exist. Well in my defence I believe Lady Farouk is the epitome of the kind of woman I would want to end up with, I know that I would be lucky to find a woman with 60 percent of the attributes I described. Although, I doubt that blog post captured my full list and the fact that I am a pretty flexible person with my sense of what I want in a woman evolving and maturing as I have. Don’t worry I am not going to make another list of the characteristics of Lady Farouk, I believe she knows herself wherever and whoever she is.

I have heard mothers mine included talk about how they want their son to marry a good God fearing young woman who is respectful and is mindful of tradition (the tradition part not necessary the views of Queen Farouk/mi madre) basically mother Theresa who can cook and clean. Every single time I hear this I think to myself, “Does your son deserve to be with a good girl?” Has your son stopped his ashewo/prostituting ways? Has he learnt to control his temper so he doesn’t beat his future wife? Does he respect women? If all the good women married ashewo boys like your son who would marry the good guys? The ashewo women? This is my philosophical quandary.

I think a lot of people talk and emphasize love as the basis of marriage and finding your soulmate and they aren’t wrong. I believe in addition to looking for the one (every time I hear someone say the one, I think of that movie by Jet Li), one has to work on him/herself. You see it doesn’t matter how much you love someone if you aren’t emotionally mature and worked on some of your vices you might as well give up because the relationship might be doomed before it gets off. I am not saying you have to be perfect before you find your soul-mate, I am saying you have to recognize your faults and vices and be willing to work on them as well as taken steps in that direction.

I have had my share of problems. Wandering eyes, passive aggressive behaviour, insecurity, over-thinking and over-analysis, depression, alcohol dependency, sex dependency (konji) amongst others have been problems I have faced and in some cases still battle with. I have been in love in the past and found that things didn’t work out perhaps because I was still battling with some demons and didn’t realize it. I think it took me a while to realize the truth that perhaps I needed to work on myself to become a better man so I can deserve a better woman.

This is going to sound cliché like perhaps the majority of this post has but I sincerely believe that your soulmate is someone who sees you for you are and loves you but also inspires you to be a better person. Being with them makes you want to be a better man, you want to stop being such a man-whore, you want to dress better, be kinder, be less of an asshole. Now there is a difference between someone who inspires you to be better and someone who wants to change you. The latter hardly works out. So dear Lady Farouk if you try to reduce my whiskey diet, me and you will wear one shokoto!

My dear readers, what do you think? Do you need to be ready or prepare yourself before you meet your soulmate? Is love alone ever enough? Are there things you need to work on before you meet the boo? Do you deserve to be with a good person? Does trying to change a person ever work? Love to hear your thoughts


15 thoughts on “Be A Better Man Before Happily Ever After

    Single Nigerian Man said:
    October 28, 2013 at 7:09 am

    This question here has been on my mind for a while. A really long while. So many things to work on too. Sigh!!

    Waiting for Pt 2.

      Sir Farouk responded:
      October 28, 2013 at 9:28 am

      At least you have realized there are things to work on, As have I. I guess it’s all part of growing up and being the man you were supposed to be. Part 2? Of the blog post? I’ll see.

    aidee said:
    October 28, 2013 at 10:47 am

    Niceey. Well u are right about everything. Now that I think about it, I should probably watch my mood swings. About love being enough, well love is important, but understanding is paramount. I believe u can love someone u don’t understand. Looking forward to your next post Sir Farouk, and good luck in your Lady Farouk search, if u haven’t already found her.

      Sir Farouk responded:
      October 28, 2013 at 9:21 pm

      You;re right understanding is very important. I can see how you can love someone you dont understand, the mystery probably attracts you. Thanks!

    Maverick said:
    October 28, 2013 at 12:55 pm

    I guess the first step to change is realizing u need change and yes in my opinion love is enough but of course people have screwed up versions of the word that it sounds so far away and inconceivable…. Let me simply add that one should love self first before looking for love.

      Sir Farouk responded:
      October 28, 2013 at 9:23 pm

      Solid advice, one has to love one’s self before loving another person

    worshipandswag said:
    October 28, 2013 at 2:11 pm

    Chei! I’ll be back to comment. In fact, I’ll post a reply to yours…as soon as I get back from work. My virtual Mr. Farouk. Well done on this piece! 😀

      Sir Farouk responded:
      October 28, 2013 at 9:23 pm

      I await both. lol. Thank you!

    randommer said:
    October 28, 2013 at 6:45 pm

    lol Zee, lady farouk exists o! too bad you’re already buddies with her hahah.

    worshipandswag said:
    October 29, 2013 at 3:40 am

    Okay Mr. Farouk, I’m back!

    Back to the issue of being your best before marriage. I think you hit the nail on the head when you said that the dude has to work on his vices before looking for that perfect fit. What happens, mostly unintentional, is that when a lady who isn’t grounded in the identity of who she really is or what she wants meets an irresponsible dude, she starts to lose herself by modelling her actions around his excuses.

    There are women like that. In fact, I once had friends that I tried so hard to fit into their circle by any means. In the end we all ended up with bruises and angry hearts. P.S why do ladies fall for losers- not men with swag this time? Na wa o, lol 😀

      Sir Farouk responded:
      October 29, 2013 at 8:23 am

      I guess the lady is blinded by love although I think love is more rational than people make it out to be. Most of the time sticking to an irresponsible or awful partner has to do with not being confident enough that if you leave your partner you will find another one and once your subconscious short sells yourself you might end up in a relationship where you keep making excuses for him/her.

      Lol. I have given up on fitting into circles that dont immediately welcome me. I rather do my things solo. Ladies fall for losers because some of those losers have swag.

    Something About That Man… | Worship and Swag said:
    October 30, 2013 at 12:21 am

    […] days ago, my virtual hubby, Sir Farouk, posted a piece about being a better man before happily ever after. A very poignant section of the post […]

    thislagosgirl said:
    November 11, 2013 at 12:50 pm

    Honestly I’m glad to see the part about what kind of girl would marry such a mother’s son too. When people make long lists, they never stop to wonder whether that kind of girl who has everything would find her dream man in them. My honest take is that you definitely have to work on some things or at least be constantly working very obviously. But even if you will work till you’re 100 before you settle, you’ll never be perfect. So do your best and then take the leap.A lot of ladies are also realistic. We do have our requirements too. However perfection isn’t usually one of them. Please keep us updated oh. Much love.

    Rocio said:
    November 11, 2013 at 4:09 pm

    Hello, this is my first time reading your blog and found your perspective very interesting. I think both men and women have to work to be better for themselves and also to deserve a better person. I loved what you say about deserve, I really believe that as well. Usually people feel free to judge others but don’t really consider what they are putting on the table. Recently I went out with this guy and he told me several times I should lose weight so I would look better. The funny part was he was overweight and one of the times he brought up my weight I brought up his and he said he didn’t consider himself overweight hahaha. Total Shock. Anyways, I stopped going out with him for several reasons but mostly because I did not like his attitude, ok you’re asking me to lose weight, what are you willing to offer in return? I’m sorry but if you’re asking me to change something about myself for you you better be the best man I have EVER MET and be deserving of it. If not, how dare you ask someone to change for you when you’re not willing to be a better person yourself? In fact, how dare you ask a person to change for you period. You don’t ask those things. At least in my point of view. Anyways, I really enjoyed your article. 🙂

    nwagoodluck said:
    April 4, 2014 at 7:30 am

    Reblogged this on PA CONSULTING and commented:
    Be A Better Man Before Happily Ever After

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