Sir F’s Nigerian Workout Plan

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damn gurl!

Ladies and gentlemen, I am back once again. I cannot say categorically if I am back for good, for that you will have to ask my oga at the top (Yes, I know the joke is old). I haven’t written in a minute, I would have liked to blame a lack of free time brought about by being on an intensive training program that required a lot of studying but nah I do not think I studied that hard, I just used my free time to watch a lot of tv series, movies, drink a lot of brew and be a semi man-slut. You see I turned to alcohol and women of not so hard virtue to cure my itch to write add that to my penchant for procrastination and you have a blogger that has not blogged in a while. What else is new? Did I mention I am finally out of Warri, that is if you knew I was in Warri to begin with. My writing routine has gone the way of my exercise routine, I do not exercise as much as I used to and that is just a darn shame. I have gained some girth and a little bit of a protruding belly. It’s a mess.

Now I absolutely know that I and I alone am to blame for my loss of shape. Thank goodness, John Thomas is still working or I would be depressed as hell. I hear people saying potbellies are sexy, no! Go to jail, go directly to jail do not pass go and do not collect $200! The general mentality about fitness and body physique in Nigeria is a bit confusing and at times can be sexist in the sense that women who have potbellies are not seen as being sexy and here I am guilty as well. Abeg abeg abeg, I was in Warri and dude! Its like the potbelly Olympics up in there, 90% of ladies I saw had a potbelly (of course I m not going to talk about their face-cap, for those who know waffi you know what I m talking about) and no not the little cute “maybe I m a little obese” type either, it was the “o boy give me 6 bottles of star beer” type or the “I m skinny from the sides protruding from the front” you would think I m either pregnant or suffer from kwashiorkor.

Kidding aside, I believe we have a fitness problem especially amongst city folk. Its like once folk leave the village and stop farming all form of exercise stop. Out of shape as hell and maybe just maybe that is why some of y’all need burantashi to even just qualify for the heats of the bedroom Olympics. Say it aint so! There is a general belief that wealth entitles you to eat as much as you want and for the most part a lot of people in our cities eat what they want without regard for dietary needs and exercise none. It is when they get to their 40s or 50s and the doctor tells them they have cholesterol problem that they start doing some darn aerobics or start subscribing to a boatload of slimming teas, multivitamins of the ilk of “tianshi”, “Edmark”, “GNLD”, “Forever living”. These people buy into these franchises that sell supplements for a healthy life and forget that part of living a healthy life is exercise. Basically all these products are scams that keep taking people’s money to do what can be done naturally and as a way of life. People be sipping ginseng coffee like it is the cure for their potbellies and turn around and eat 5 wraps of pounded yam with greasy equsi soup and 4 large pieces of meat with fat embedded of course.

Folk who try to stay fit are seen as odd. Back when I used to jog around my neighborhood every morning, people would gawk like bush men and I would find it exceedingly difficult to explain to someone that jogging is not just for losing weight, it is also to keep healthy because folk were like ”o boy you wan become lean like bonga fish, this one wey you dey run like say mami water dey chase you for dream”. Of course there are people reading this who genetically predisposed to look fit, I have some unfortunate news for you, you could be unfit too. Looking all lean and mean till you fall and have a cardiac episode (obviously I wish this on no one)

I partly wrote this to get me out of my exercise funk and found that I have very few people to walk the path of fitness with. So I m looking for a exercise buddy, preferably female of a discerning shape and wears tight tights and can teach me yoga or we can do pilates together, shikena! Maybe we can do Kanye’s workout plan together 

Disclaimer: I still think that Orobo you toh bad! 😉

So do we have a fitness culture, what with all the fat policemen, pot bellied 30 year olds walking around. Do we need the whole nation to go on the insanity workout? Speak your piece.


4 thoughts on “Sir F’s Nigerian Workout Plan

    aidee said:
    May 6, 2013 at 5:56 pm

    Hilarious! You are very right too, a lot of people raised brows when they saw d athletic me, and when I switched to handball, all hell let loose! But I’ve maintained a constant weight for 4years and a beautiful, enviable stature too…these days, morning jogs is just okay for me…too bad I don’t wear tight tights.

    Single Nigerian Man said:
    May 6, 2013 at 6:02 pm

    Having belle in Nigeria shows that you are enjoying life o. Nurse the belle with pride. E no easy.

    On the other hand that your belle no be coincidence. It looked too well nurtured.

    Welcome back bruv. 🙂

    kiah said:
    May 6, 2013 at 9:00 pm

    Hahaha…the 5 wraps of pounded yam and greasy egusi soup made me laugh, laugh and laugh!

    I started going to the gym yesterday. And taking long walks…they do wonders for you especially when you ve got music!

    jayne said:
    May 10, 2013 at 5:51 am

    thanks for the information on slimming teas and all the slim quick products. its high time i resume my early morning jogging start and stop procrastinating. welcome back.

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