A Kobo worth of thoughts on Alcohol and Christianity

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Jesus Juice

He turned Water into Wine….

For those of us who know about such things, the month of lent is coming to an end. We are currently in the throes of holy week the week that proceeds from Palm Sunday when Jesus rode in majestically on an ass into Jerusalem and ends with Easter this weekend. How did people get a bunny from that story? Beats me. In the spirit of Easter and all things christian while secretly hoping St Peter does not revoke my visa into heaven. Yes I said visa. Much like the one that grants you access into the seeming paradise we call the US/Developed world. This is of course after for the most part going through psychological turmoil and stress at your neighborhood third world (sorry developing) country embassy. You see to some Christians alcohol is an anathema. Its that special breed of wrong that corrupts the soul and makes you do evil things. This is especially prevalent in the protestant/evangelical set of Christendom.

Now before you label this another rant against what I have termed the “You must be rich” gospel, take a chill pill preferably a laxative to get the shit out of your mind. Relax your mind and let your conscience be free. Word to Diddy. Growing up in what could be termed a mixed home, one parent catholic the other highly evangelical allowed me to have an interesting view of alcohol. I actually grew up without having for the most part ever tasted alcohol. Never willingly partook of the devil’s potion. How about now? I plead the fifth. More like a fifth of henny. Anyway, I grew up thinking that being a teetotaler was part of being a good christian. The younger version of me saw it as pretty much black and white. Not something to be debated about.

I remember a story about Jesus I had heard, read and even seen enacted in plays/movies. In fact, this is Jesus’ first miracle which is recorded in what we call the Bible today. Jesus goes to a wedding in Cana with his mother and unfortunately the wine finishes. I know, some of you are like what?! Who does not plan enough booze for the reception? Or you are thinking, They served wine at a wedding Jesus attended, somebody call the heavenly hosts! Somebody smite these drunken heathens! Anyway, when Jesus was told of the situation because we all know Jesus was an awesome guy who knew that the wedding would blow without any booze, he told them to bring jars and fill them with water. He then used his divine powers to change the water to wine and according to the story the wine even tasted better than what they had before. So you see they were drinking the cheap stuff and Jesus gave them Champagne.

What an awesome guy right? Wrong! According to what I was told growing up and believe me I have heard this from grown up and well educated people today, Jesus’ first miracle was turning water in non-alcoholic wine! Wait, pause, DJ Selecta pull it, play that back again, Non-alcoholic wine? Is that not an oxymoron of some sort. The son of the master of the universe decided to turn water into grape juice? Did he secretly have some coolade on his person? Lets be real, the very definition of wine is fermented grapes with an Alcoholic content without the fermentation and alcohol you might as well be drinking ribena.

Before you accuse me of advocating drunken orgies, I know what the bible says about drunkenness and consuming too much wine. Proverbs 20:1 says, “Wine is a mocker and beer a brawler; whoever is led astray by them is not wise.” Isaiah 5:22 says, “Woe to those who are heroes at drinking wine and champions at mixing drinks” Bartenders beware! And of course Ephesians 5:18, “Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit.” I know its not funny but anytime I hear the word spirit I find it mildly hilarious the parallels between people acting by the leading of the Spirit and those acting because they drank too much spirits.

I believe it is wrong to impose your teetotaler beliefs on anyone in the name of Christianity. Cant speak for Muslims, that is their religion. It is also wrong to impose the opinion that Christians should drink. Who does that? That would mean less drinks for me. What I believe is a decent compromise is that the bible is against drunkenness, drunken behavior and the actions associated with it. If you chose not to drink, do it out of a personal conviction not because it is inherently wrong or Christianity says it is wrong. Heck the wine at the last supper became the blood of Christ. If you want to sip, sip but don’t get drunk. For those who drink, drink if you want to and if you want to follow what the bible says do not get drunk. Drink responsibly.

So what thinketh you? Is it possible for a man to drink away his soul? Is alcohol the devil? Btw, JC must have been a great bartender, no?


3 thoughts on “A Kobo worth of thoughts on Alcohol and Christianity

    Sir Fariku responded:
    April 5, 2012 at 2:28 pm
    oguonuchehenry said:
    April 11, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    Awesome!!! Absolutely awesome piece…this piece is salvation to me…2 weekends ago precisely, I was at a 40yr anniversary of a couple that attend my church…My church members have that teetotaler belief…I took a glass of palmwine from the guys zone and was walking across the crowd…Everyone was looking at me with a touch of disdain because my dad is an elder and my mum is Women Fellowship president apparently…I walked with swag and in my mind, I was saying f**k y’all…lol! One dude in the youth fellowship approached me and said,’So u do this’, I replied,’This is only a little…I’m capable of more’ and he suddenly went cold…I have this mischievous joy in my heart that day….This piece brought back that memory…*thumbs up, tuale Zao*

      Sir Farouk responded:
      April 11, 2012 at 3:33 pm

      Lol. This reminds me of when they has Big Brother Nigeria and Katung who eventually won was drinking and smoking in the Big Brother house, His parents who were Elders in church decided to resign because of what their son was doing. I like how you handled that situation, you just bone face shak your thing. Have you seen where people will drag you to one side and quote scripture for you or try to convince you that what you are doing is evil? Naija get many of these people sha.

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