Dear Lady Farouk: Much Ado about the Future Wife and Marriage

In the grand plan of things and milestones that characterize a man’s life in many societies is the issue of marriage. In our society, a young man is not seen as fully mature, settled or responsible until he has married and started a family. I guess it has to do with a man not being a full man until he can successfully take care and manage someone besides himself. As young men, despite how much we might fool around, engage in player type behavior and all round commitment phobic tom foolery I believe that eventually there will be a point in time when every man starts to think about settling down. Of course, thinking does not necessarily mean you are going to do it.

For some reason, I have started to have these thoughts about the whole marriage thing. It’s quite the interesting concept. The whole till death do us part thing is kind of morbid/macabre if you ask me. I imagine two corpses stuck together in the throes of coitus; obviously the cause of death in this situation is marital bliss or the negation of the marriage contract. Wouldn’t it be interesting if all marriages once voided resulted in immediate death of both parties? Divorce rates will plummet. Heck people would probably stop getting married. We’ll probably all get naked and moist without the whole wedding palaver. That being said, I am not anti-marriage (I am a product of marriage and happen to know married people, see how silly racist/tribalistic people who claim to know someone of a particular race/tribe and use it as a justification for why they aren’t racist/tribalist sound) neither am I getting married anytime in the immediate future. I am just thinking about it, about the future wife. In my short dating life, I have had a case of nearly got married; a few perfect partners at the wrong time in my life and so on. You see I am quite a big fan of how I met your mother (HIMYM). Well, the first 3 seasons or so. Some days, I look left and right in Nigeria today and wonder where the future wife will appear from. *shots fired*. That’s a post for another day. If you do watch HIMYM, I must confess to a lot of times having a Ted like character, basically a silly romantic idealist searching for the one on the streets of Ajegunle.

So it is with that in mind that I have penned or typed this note or letter to my future wife.

Dear Future Lady Farouk,

Hey there, I know we might not have met yet or we have met and I don’t know it. I must confess that you have crossed my mind a lot. I have always wondered whether you would be white, black, blue, green, yellow or orange. Who knows if you will be an alien from another planet? Where will you be from? Who will be your people? Will you be taller or shorter than I or shall we be one of those couples who see each other eye to eye so to say? Will you be heavy set or lithe? I do confess that having a little meat on them bones is quite attractive to this young man but I guess love is blind or just sees things differently. I wonder if you will be blessed with an uncompromising back side, front side or a subtle mixture of both features. Will you be beautiful? Scratch that, that’s a rhetorical question. Of course you will be beautiful to me. Screw with anyone else thinks.

How rude of me, I never asked your name but I guess I already know it in the future. I am going to make a few educated guesses about you. Bear with me, I occasionally dabble in Sherlock Holmes type tomfoolery. I am guessing you are a well-educated lady, you were one of the best students in high school/secondary school. You graduated from university with a very good degree and you are well polished in your speak and manners however you can joke around and get messy when you need to. You might have a postgraduate or advanced degree; you are probably a professional of some sort. You are not only well-educated but you also are well read. You are a voracious reader, and a good conversationalist who can speak on a range of topics from politics to art, science, religion, sports and philosophy. I know this because before we got married we would spend hours having discussions and not noticing as time passed us by. Your range of discussion is not limited to pop culture and who Justin Bieber’s son is dating and whatnot.

Did I mention that I love your cooking and I love cooking for you? Oh yeah I forgot. Sugarpie Honeybun, did I mention that we are one of those exciting power couples who both succeed in their careers but also succeed on the home front. We have 3 kids and each one is a prodigy in their own right. We are raising them as one would raise a renaissance man or woman; we are making sure they are exposed to the sciences, arts, philosophy, music, sports and the whole plethora of things life has to offer. Our family is also engaged in a lot of volunteer work and philanthropy. We own a few skill acquisition centres and believe in giving people the skills to succed. We give out annual scholarships to bright young men and women. It was your idea and I love you for it. I love that you are somewhat religious but not a fanatic, we do pray in our family. You are questioner and doubter like me who respects people’s beliefs. You are not superstitious at all.

You are an afrocentric lady who believes in the idea of pan-africanism. You are not too liberal or too conservative in your political leanings. You believe in the emancipation of the oppressed and in another life you could have been an activist. We travel the world helping to solve problems in our spare time. Just last week, we successfully helped to negotiate terms of surrender for the oppressive government of a country that was engaged in weeks of protests from its own citizens. You love nature but you are at home with technology. You love the environment but you aren’t a green peace nut.

Did I mention that the copulation is amazing? Well not all the time but 1 out of every 3 times is amazing. The passion is electrifying. You are very open-minded in the bedroom and always keep me guessing.

I have obviously rambled enough. Till we meet ma Cherie.

A Bientot
Sir Farouk

Anyway, I have said my one or two piece, what would you say to your future spouse? Wife? Husband? Partner? What would you like them to be like or how do you imagine them to be? What do you seek in a prospective spouse? I m all ears/eyes.