The Konji Principle

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Drought

First of all to understand what the Konji principle is you have to understand what Konji is. Konji (sp?) is a Nigerian slang that basically describes a drought of sexual satisfaction. In other words, your pistol is loaded., your jibby hasn’t been serviced, your black snake hasn’t moaned, your valve is under pressure etc. Take your pick of a suitable euphemism. You have? Okay insert it appropriately.

If you have read this blog, you might see that I m pretty political most of the time but you know what today I said fudge it, I m going to write about Konji. Strokes appropriately. Also, with all the bombing and flooding going on, it is a pretty bleak time for us in Nigeria so I figured I would do something different. As the great observer I am, I feel that since I am yet to find and define the unified field theory (basically a theory that explains everything in physics/the universe), It is my duty to contribute something to humanity hence the Konji Principle.

What is the Konji Principle? The Konji Principle states that

“For every male heterosexual experiencing a protracted period of drought, better known as konji his judgement lapses and as a result he is susceptible to the charms of any wowo (not so hot) babe and is likely to act in ways detrimental to his physical, mental and emotional well being.”

This principle is similar to hooke’s law of elasticity. For those unfamiliar with Hookes Law, I ll try remember. I believe hookes law states that for a spring within its elastic limit the deformation of the spring is proportional to the force applied on the spring or something like that. If we bring this to the Konji Principle, I believe there is a Konji limit. The Konji Limit is the amount of Konji one can endure before one lowers his standards and thought patterns as it regards the other sex or sex he finds attractive (homosexuals?). Basically it is how long you can go without sex. The factors that determine this Konji limit could be personal values, religion, upbringing/nurture, nature, cultural norms etc. Sorry if I m framing most of my definitions from a male angle, I don’t know the female equivalent or if they function the same way, More study is needed.

What brought the whole Konji thing to my attention? I am going to say HIV/AIDs statistics and the prevalence of ashewos/runs girls in our society. Notice how I put ashewos and runs girls in the same category. For the Nigerianly uneducated ashewos are what you call hookers, I believe it’s a Yoruba word actually maybe not cos Owo is Yoruba. In hausa we call them karuwai. Runs girls on the other hands are basically hookers who give the girlfriend experience, they go out/sleep with men for money or gifts or apartments etc while also keeping other guys (the theme of many Nigerian movies starring Tonto Dike). To be gender balanced, there are male ashewos. If you poke your stick in anything that moves you qualify. If you are a guy or girl and this is your thing, no shame in your game. Own it. After all some of these people have reasons why they engage in such “activities”.

The factors I mentioned earlier such as personal values, religion, upbringing/nurture, nature and cultural norms help in curtailing the harmful effects of konji. On the flip sides there are things that accelerate konji such as alcohol, weed etc You are probably thinking, what are the harmful effects of konji? Well if we rephrase my analogy with hooke’s law a bit you will notice that there is an elastic limit and eventually there is a breaking point. Lets take it that beyond the elastic limit, men will engage in excessive masturbation and might still be a little guarded about their sexual escapades. Eventually like in a spring too much deformation leads to a yield point which is a point where small deformation results in large displacement of the spring. In our konji analogy, this is a point where the man moves from excessive masturbation to somewhat indiscriminate sexual activities. Beyond the yield point is the breaking point. It is at this breaking point that he beds anything that moves with no thought of the repercussions. Unfortunately for him there are repercussions.

The harmful side of the Konji Principle is that it could lead to STDs, unwanted pregnancies, low self esteem, getting with people far below your standard (whatever that is), Herpes, the clap, HIV/AIDS, disappointing God/Allah (if you are religious that way), go to hell, get reincarnated as a cockroach, disappointing yourself and loved ones amongst other side effects. All in all, Konji na bastard. If you must kpansh/straf (Nigerian word for doing the horizontal bedroom dance) use a jibby cover (condom), otherwise practice abstinence (konji management through zen principles). See what I did there, you thought this was going to be an ignorant post, bet some of you didn’t even read through to the end to see that it was actually a safety warning to people practicing sexual polygamy.

There is a bible quote that says, “As a man thinketh so shall he be”. Konji is all in your head or lower head in the case of men, you know what I mean. It is imperative for your physical, sexual, emotional and mental safety that you don’t let Konji be the focal point of your life. Think with your head not your lower head. Cheers.

I leave you with spiritual konji. Go forth and spread the principle!

30 thoughts on “The Konji Principle

    Iyayi-Osazeme said:
    July 13, 2011 at 2:08 pm

    bruv, this is just classic! i can tell u that the konji principle applies to females as well! i appreciate the definition and the parallel you made with hookes law! the herp is real oooh folks!

      Sir Fariku responded:
      July 13, 2011 at 3:57 pm

      Thanks! The Herp is indeed real. Lol

    Ohj said:
    July 13, 2011 at 10:14 pm

    LOL.. Interesting spin on hooke’s law..First time here – I think..

      Sir Fariku responded:
      July 14, 2011 at 12:13 am

      Thanks for stopping by, checked out your blog. good stuff.

    Esco said:
    July 18, 2011 at 8:51 pm

    Sir Fariku,
    Preach on brother! Nice blog btw..never knew you blogged as well.

      Sir Fariku responded:
      July 18, 2011 at 10:48 pm

      Thanks man, I m pretty much a fair weather blogger. You are definitely more consistent with it. Some days I be getting 2 posts on the same day.

    iamsamsie said:
    August 17, 2011 at 7:57 pm

    :)

    Ogu Onuche Henry said:
    September 8, 2011 at 4:18 pm

    Nice post..e

    A.D said:
    November 28, 2011 at 6:52 pm

    Hmmn, konji Principle…….how were you able to bring in Hooke’s law, well, now I know I’m not alone, lol. Nice stuff. First time here, will definitely drop by more often.

      Sir Fariku responded:
      November 29, 2011 at 2:40 pm

      You are welcome! I checked out your stuff as well. Good naija girl? Do they still exist, lol.

    moyosore said:
    December 17, 2011 at 2:53 pm

    dat was amazin. It’s nyc dat it has a moral.

    Freesmszone.com said:
    March 1, 2012 at 3:59 pm

    Freesmszone.com, abeg look for Konji

    [...] when you kissed her? Did birds start singing? I doubt it. Fast forward to the first time your konji was not satisfied by your own hands and was satisfied by someone else through the process of making [...]

    afeminineheart said:
    April 2, 2012 at 5:56 am

    Reincarnated as a cockroach….Loool. This is officially the best blog I know :)

      Sir Fariku responded:
      April 2, 2012 at 1:19 pm

      Thank you! I hope I live up to that billing. lol.

    Taofik said:
    May 20, 2012 at 6:08 pm

    Stumbled on this while taking time off work. Was worth the time spent reading it. I don’t have enough time to go through your profile and get to know what you do but if you can, get science for second schools explained in an entertaining way (with appropriate language o!)

    jerrythewordsmith said:
    May 22, 2012 at 7:33 am

    Very nice read on my way to work! Entertaining also

    DeMorrieaux said:
    July 17, 2012 at 3:27 pm

    “..go to hell, get reincarnated as a cockroach, disappointing yourself and loved ones amongst other side effects.” LOL!

    Nice post! :)

    floglostylez said:
    September 2, 2012 at 9:35 pm

    Lol great post cracked me up!

    Ms. Ola Blessed said:
    October 19, 2012 at 2:38 am

    I thoroughly enjoyed this write up! Honessly*! It is superb.

    cracked said:
    November 17, 2012 at 9:45 am

    I was yarning with an old friend and he said something like”konji dey kill me for here”..please what those it mean??

    cracked said:
    November 17, 2012 at 9:45 am

    I was yarning with an old friend and he said something like”konji dey kill me for here”..please what those it mean?

    Nma aka Nazzy said:
    November 27, 2012 at 11:56 am

    NICE! I love how you relate these events and stuff to physical sciences… How am I just stumbling upon this blog… *grinning*

    Ajay said:
    April 14, 2013 at 2:00 pm

    Am happy I read this, it applies †̥ the ladies as well, thanks.

    Ajay said:
    April 14, 2013 at 2:07 pm

    I think everyone need to read this! Nice one.

    tj47tholulov said:
    May 12, 2013 at 3:32 am

    —–Background theme song “Stringz – Konji ft. Olamide”—-

    Kolapo Rahman Kolade said:
    August 21, 2013 at 3:32 am

    I dont really have comment, but an advice on what is the repercussion on masturbation, because am really engage in masturbate, what makes it addict to me is that I got smaller dick, and I was been looking for way out long time, am now a 25yrs with small dick, that is the reason why I dont have any girl. Pls help me out. Thanks

    Kolapo Rahman Kolade said:
    August 21, 2013 at 3:33 am

    I dont really have comment, but an advice on what is the repercussion on masturbation, because am really engage in masturbate, what makes it addict to me is that I got smaller dick, and I was been looking for way out long time, am now a 25yrs with small dick. Pls help me out. Thanks

      Sir Farouk responded:
      August 21, 2013 at 11:27 pm

      Masturbation does not cause you to have a small penis, you have nothing to worry about bruv

    Achieng' said:
    November 8, 2013 at 6:40 am

    “There is a bible quote that says, “As a man thinketh so shall he be”. this so true our thoughts become our actions. Nice post

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