Here’s The Thing: Death, Terrorism and Nigeria

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May the souls of all those lost to terrorism in this country rest in peace and may the perpetrators of these acts face justice in this world and the world after (should it exist). As sad as the deaths in Abuja yesterday were and how close to home they came to many of us (Most Nigerians have at least one relation or acquaintance who stays in Abuja unlike Borno for instance, people can go their whole lives without knowing anyone who lives in Borno), it is key to note that weekly almost daily Nigerians are dying. People in the Northeast are dying from this or that attack by the boogie monster of the current Nigerian and Arewa reality, “Boko Haram”, people are also dying from “Fulani” attacks, this is not to discount the regular preventable deaths people in this country face due to poverty, crime, road accidents, poor health facilities, ignorance, and the list goes on.

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Farouk’s Guide To An Alcoholic Night/Hangover-Free Morning

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So its Friday and I know some of my readers are looking forward to a legendary night, have some drinks after work, party, hook up and the like. I am an advocate of fun but I am also an advocate of responsible fun (sue me!). It is with this in mind that I have come up with this guide to a night full of unhealthy yet delicious liquor, wine, beer (whatever is your alcoholic poison). This is a good guide if want to a) have a good night b) not puke c) remember the girl you hooked up with or better yet not hook with questionable people d) minimize the risk of waking up with a nasty hangover e) not be ridiculously wasted. If you want to shit faced and wake up struggling to breathe under the weight of two fat guys called Ramone and Yinka then YOLO bro…

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So You’re Mad About The Deaths At The Immigration Recruitment?

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This will be brief. Over 15 people died last weekend while undertaking a recruitment exercise or aptitude test to join the Nigerian Immigration. Others have written quite extensively (here and here) about the issue and expressed the outrage many Nigerians feel.

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When My Thoughts and Some Topics Collide…

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Here’s the thing, this blog is not frequent and I guess I owe those who still read me an apology. Someone that meant a lot of me told me that I should post more. This is where I will put on my litany of excuses from being too busy with school, work, attempting to have a social life, have a love life, not be a drunk man-whore who does not follow through on ideas and still not shut out friends and family to plain being too cautious about what I write (problems of a chronic overthinker).

I guess you are here for my thoughts huh. Well here a few of my thoughts on a things that have crossed my mind in the past few weeks

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The Four Horsemen of The Love Eternal

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Happy Valentine’s Weekend, Don’t know if that’s a thing. I trust a lot of people had a great valentine’s day. Guys took their girl or side chick out and if you aren’t in the celibacy gang I bet you got your freak on, had her do that thing with the wax and her fingers you love or you showed her the incredible range of motion that the human tongue can achieve. Either way I trust you had a day and weekend that celebrated love in all its forms. For the guy’s hope you at least sent your mum a happy Valentine ’s Day text! Stop playing, you know she’s the most important woman in your life. How rude of me, How did I spend my valentine’s day? At home doing some work, watched Aladdin and had some drinks all by my lonesome. And before you start feeling pity for me (well if you are an intelligent and beautiful young lady and the pity will make you want to share physical, emotional and intellectual conversations over some crepes and wine then you are allowed), I could have flown to see my pseudo boo, potential boo, or at least my mama but alas mama travelled and I think the last few months have made me lose the urge for the romantic or romantic gestures (I battled with myself whether to send a valentine’s gift or not and thankfully last minute deliveries aren’t Nigeria’s strong suit).

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Memories of a Brother Passed Away

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My friend and Marcus Garvey were like twins

This week I lost a brother and a friend, who passed on at the age of 24. I think most of this week I have been in shock and trying to remember all the memories and great times we had together. We went to secondary school and University together. We weren’t as close in secondary school but were pretty close in University. If there were 5 people who would know where I was on a given night when I was up to no good it was my friend. We weren’t as close as we used to be when I moved back to Nigeria, I guess I can blame the distance for that.

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Birthdays, Born Days and Frivolities…

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Cakes, Prayers, Good Wishes, Parties, Sex, Leather pants and whips, Alcohol, Tipsy, Pictures, Fun. These are what birthdays are made of. Well that and reflection. Perhaps I should change the name of this blog to diaries of His Royal Highness because it seems this blog has taken a detour into the personal realm of a recovering overthinking lil bish. Enough of the compliments, today is my birthday (I share the birthday with Muhammad Ali, Benjamin Franklin, Jim Carrey…)! Somebody scream hallelujah, say alhamdullahi (sp anyone?) and whatever it is buddhists and atheists say because today was the day all those years ago my wonderful mother gave birth to me (you can tell I am a little bit of a mummy’s boy but then I m also daddy’s boy too).

I am thankful for all the people I have been opportune to know and/or meet in my life. I am thankful for those that have been a blessing to me and those who have made my life difficult. I thank both subsets of people because somewhere in the happiness, sadness, guilt, broken hearts and all lies a period of man whore behavior, no just kidding or am I? What I was trying to say before my silly side kicked in is that you have all helped to build my character and I am still learning the meaning of life, love and everything in between. I am thankful for my family and friends, thank you for bearing with me. I can be so much in my head sometimes and like to handle my problems by myself, I have just recently learnt how to share my problems with people and it feels so much better than bottling things up. Thank you to all lovers and ex-lovers, thanks for the memories mostly, life would be so boring without those experiences.

What do I want for my birthday? *Sings All I want for my birthday is a big booty hoe* Hmm what do I want. Obviously wealth, happiness and all that. I want to find my soulmate and I hope that when I do I recognize her and not be so busy licking belly shots and consuming copious amounts of bourbon (Btw I think an Old Fashioned might be my new favorite cocktail, thank you London for that). I want my family and friends to be happy and prosper (and yes that includes you who read this blog, I pray that for blessing me with the gift of your time to read my nonsense yarns, may you not want for anything in your life, may you be happy and fulfilled in all that you do). I want to go back or become more intellectual. I remember college nights when my friends and I would have drinks and discuss philosophy, life and so many things, we used to call it our symposium (good times!). I want to travel more and meet new and exciting people. I want Nigeria to be better. I want to have the strength of mind to be more charitable like resolved to be in the new year. I want confidence and a recognition of my inner sexiness and good heart.

Anyway, Happy Birthday to Me! I am currently in London and will be out and partying tonight. Adieu! XO