Why are Nigerians Angry? The Incredible Hulk Conundrum

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The other day a family friend of mine mistakenly struck down a commercial motorcycle rider (Okada in common parlance) and the young man died. Now the family friend in question stopped his car and came down to help, however this did not seem to matter as a crowd of angry people had gathered and proceeded to beat the living daylights out of the driver despite the fact that he kept pleading that it was an accident. Read the rest of this entry »

Oluwa is Involved/Na God? Cool Story!

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So you have been praying and fasting for 40 days and 40 nights for God to bless you like Mr XYZ, he seems to have it all. He owns his own company, he spends his weekends in exotic countries (Not just US and UK like the other plebs), he owns his own private jet of course, has the president on his speed dial, is surrounded by beautiful women, owns property in several choice areas, uses helicopters or speed boats to dodge traffic depending on which is more efficient, in short he is extremely wealthy. You have dared to ask him how he got wealthy and he gives you the textbook answer which is he worked hard and he adds for good measure “God has been good”, “I thank God”, “It is God’s favor”, “Oluwa is involved” (Which is actually a phrase commonly used by 419ers/internet fraudsters made big) among other common epithets of the bullshitters my countrymen have become especially the wealthy ones.

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The World Cup According to Farouk…

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Arguably the biggest show piece in football is upon us again, the world cup. Samina mina eh eh, waka waka eh eh samina mina sankelewa its time for Brazil? Probably the most watched football tournament and perhaps a tournament that turns up some surprises. Call me Eurocentric but few things beat the quality of football in the European Champions League mostly because I believe the players in that tournament play together day in day out in their leagues. The world cup is a cut and paste of players which in its own way is why we have the surprises we get in the world cup because aside from preparation and skill, team chemistry is key in winning. Anyway, enough of that, Yay! Brazil. Read the rest of this entry »

The Mystery of Love Wan-Tin-Tin

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*Insert statutory apology for the length of time since I last wrote* Did you miss me? I missed you all as well. Wish I could promise to write more but I can’t, my writing is as the spirit leads and the spirit has led me to stop writing poetry which seems sad. I need to resurrect that. I have been in the midst of some changes in my life. I have also had a lot to think about in regards to what is going on in Nigeria and how it makes me sad especially for those growing up in this climate of fear brought about by our friends/enemies who shall not be named. Of course as a young man who is quarter to grown up I have also been thinking about the future, love and many related manners. Call it the quarter life crisis of a once upon awkward nerd who discovered romantic love and is searching for that love of a lifetime and wondering if he found it already and left it.

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7 Things About #Bringbackourgirls

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We all know that you are probably tired as hell of the topic of the kidnapped girls and just wish they will send Jack Bauer in to rescue the girls, torture Shekau, give him a slow painful death (No, when it comes to that animal I don’t know if I can abide by the Geneva convention or whatever the hell Amnesty International prescribes) and destroy the whole boko haram gang but alas real life is way more complicated than that. I grieve for the families of the young girls and with my fellow Nigerians, I sincerely hope that the girls are found alive and I support #bringbackourgirls and hope for an end to the activities of Boko Haram.

Here are my two cents
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Here’s The Thing: Death, Terrorism and Nigeria

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May the souls of all those lost to terrorism in this country rest in peace and may the perpetrators of these acts face justice in this world and the world after (should it exist). As sad as the deaths in Abuja yesterday were and how close to home they came to many of us (Most Nigerians have at least one relation or acquaintance who stays in Abuja unlike Borno for instance, people can go their whole lives without knowing anyone who lives in Borno), it is key to note that weekly almost daily Nigerians are dying. People in the Northeast are dying from this or that attack by the boogie monster of the current Nigerian and Arewa reality, “Boko Haram”, people are also dying from “Fulani” attacks, this is not to discount the regular preventable deaths people in this country face due to poverty, crime, road accidents, poor health facilities, ignorance, and the list goes on.

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Farouk’s Guide To An Alcoholic Night/Hangover-Free Morning

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So its Friday and I know some of my readers are looking forward to a legendary night, have some drinks after work, party, hook up and the like. I am an advocate of fun but I am also an advocate of responsible fun (sue me!). It is with this in mind that I have come up with this guide to a night full of unhealthy yet delicious liquor, wine, beer (whatever is your alcoholic poison). This is a good guide if want to a) have a good night b) not puke c) remember the girl you hooked up with or better yet not hook with questionable people d) minimize the risk of waking up with a nasty hangover e) not be ridiculously wasted. If you want to shit faced and wake up struggling to breathe under the weight of two fat guys called Ramone and Yinka then YOLO bro…

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